Looking For Love

Looking For Love By Dean Soukeras

Today marks the twentieth anniversary of my father's passing. He was forty-three when he died of a heart attack, and I was fifteen. At the time it was devastating, more in the changes to my physical experience than my mental one. While I was never truly close to my father I did love him and missed him greatly. In the short term we suffered financially and my mother worked extremely hard to make us think nothing had changed. While we knew it had we all shared in this mutual illusion because we wanted it to be true. While the man was gone we did not want the home he helped create to go with him. Mom worked and the kids went to school and we kept things as close to the same as possible.

All these years I did not think that my father's death had affected me mentally or emotionally. I felt that I had moved from being a teenager with a father to one without, smoothly and intact. However as I grow older I realize that the smallest ripple can have tremendous impact in any number of unknown ways, in unknown areas. What is not faced does not disappear. It lingers on, at the edge of the psyche, and whispers its persistent presence.

Unconsciously I started a search to fill the role of my father. All older men who entered my life were candidates for the position. They attempted to do a job that I did not realize that I was filling and they did not realize they were working.

It was unfair to all involved because it was a relationship that was doomed to fail from the start. They could not live up to my expectations and they would always, inevitably, disappoint my unfounded fealty.

We have all heard the phrase, "Looking for love in all the wrong places," and we invariably associate this with romantic love. However, it can and does apply to any relationship. My father died twenty years ago and it is only now that I am truly feeling his loss. I honor his life by stopping my futile search. I had a father. I do not need to try and find an echo to experience a father's love. My father loved me and that is enough. I will remember him as best I can. As I face myself and recognize my own wholeness, the need to look outside of myself for love diminishes. It took twenty years but I am finally beginning to feel my father's true love emanating from within, as the exhaustive external search finally comes to its inevitable end.

Dean Soukeras is a published author, his most recent book is called The Link. He is also a Reiki practitioner, a shamanic healer and a Zen Buddhist monk. Dean ran a computer business for years, making it one of America's fastest growing businesses, according to Entrepreneur Magazine, before heeding a spiritual call. Now, with a solo-practice, Dean is finishing his next novel and works with clients to facilitate their physical and spiritual well being. I want to invite you to listen in on my talk show. Get all the details about it by clicking on the following link http://www.blogtalkradio.com/linktosacred You can find out more about Dean and his work at http://linktosacred.com/ Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dean_Soukeras

Falling in Love: Truths About Falling and Living in Love

The Simple Truths About Falling and Living in Love By Dr. Brenda Shoshanna Platinum Quality

We are meant to live a life of love. When we're not in love, something's the matter. Unfortunately, most of us, unaware of this, become resigned to disappointment, loss and upset in relationships. No matter how successful we are in other aspects of our lives, many do not feel entitled to the same success in love. This is considered natural as one "grows up" and gives up the fantasies, foolishness and dreams of childhood. But nothing could be further from the truth. It is the fantasies, foolishness, and confused expectations we develop as we grow older that keep the love away.

Being in love is the most mature and realistic thing you can do. It energizes your life, fills you with positivity, creates generosity and makes every moment beautiful. The body heals, the heart is happy. As a great teacher once said, "We never ask the meaning of life when we are in love."

If being in love is our natural state the real question is, what is it that keeps this most precious inheritance away? How can we reclaim it and return to the intrinsic trust and joy we had as children?

Many fear they will be hurt. But contrary to popular opinion, real love never hurts or wounds. It is only our confused expectations that can undermine our lives. There is a Buddhist saying "Give up poisonous food wherever it is offered to you." But most of us do not know what is poison and what is nourishing in our relationships.

Once we know the difference between real and counterfeit love, once we learn the laws of love and how to practice them, we will be able to live a life of love and build relationships that cannot fail. The fact of the matter is that we can begin to do this and turn our lives around at any time.

To begin this process, let us look a little deeper. It always seems as if relationships are difficult-difficult to find, to keep and to enjoy. Yet the fundamental truth is that there is no inherent problem with relationships at all. There is never a scarcity of relationships, there is never a scarcity of love.

Some complain that they can't love because there is something wrong with the person they are with. No one can please or satisfy them. In the beginning they may feel as though they've found the perfect person, but before they know it, conflict develops, irritation grows. The joy of feeling loved and valued, fades away. Most people have no idea why. Ultimately, from the psychological point of view, not falling in love, is not so unusual. In fact, many can do very well, become quite healthy, and yet never get over their disappointments in love.

Spiritually speaking, there's a different point of view. Is a person's very life at stake if they aren't able to truly love? The answer is Yes. Without the ability to know real love, the precious taste of this life is thwarted, and a person may be doomed to living her days as a "Hungry Ghost." But we can change this at any moment. To begin we suspend judgment and disbelief, become willing to become a child once again - explore, play, hug, cry and feel that the world is filled with endless possibilities. We also must develop the ability to say No to all of the people, beliefs, habits and desires which can take our faith and love away.

We need to be willing to allow ourselves to look for and find that which is beautiful and worthwhile in everyone, (including ourselves). And, somehow, let them know.

Falling in love doesn't mean being blind, or entering into fantasy. It means waking up out of darkened dreams to finally see the beauty which surrounds us. A little endurance is required, along with the willingness to face the shadows that will dispel as soon as we invite in the light.

During this holiday season, let's give it a try. It only takes a moment to do so, but the happiness lasts a long, long time.

Discover the surprising truths about love in top selling program Save Your Relationship (21 Basic Laws of Successful Relationships) http://www.truthaboutlove.com . Renowned psychologist, Founder of Everyone Wins Mediation, has helped thousands resolve conflicts and find strength and fulfillment. Free ezine and articles http://www.newyorkmediates.com - topspeaker@yahoo.com Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dr._Brenda_Shoshanna

A Tough-Love Lesson From Mr Nasty Pants

Nearly ten years ago I was on an overseas trip for a charity with one of my best friends, who happens to be a little older, a lot more spiritual and mostly, much wiser than me (not a big achievement). Anyway, during the course of a casual conversation, he shared a rather strong and insightful opinion on something close to my heart; me.

He offered some not-very-flattering feedback about yours truly; certain attitudes, behaviours and habits that he believed were holding me back and creating negative outcomes in my life. And being the defensive, precious alpha-male that I may have(!) periodically been over the years, I didn't want to listen to, or accept, what he said; I thought he was an insensitive jerk and I quite rightly cracked the sads. Okay, that's an understatement; I wanted to punch him on the nose. The feedback he offered was kind of blunt, honest and confronting for Mr. Funny Boy Craig. If we weren't on another continent, I would have got in the car and left. So mature.

Me flawed?
Me issues?
NO!

Anyway, I decided to leave Mr Nasty Pants on his own and go for a long solo walk. After walking for about half an hour, I sat down under a big old tree to wallow in my self-pity; to revel in my woe-is-me-ness. I parked myself up against the massive trunk of the tree, put my toes in the grass and shut my eyes. As I sat there in that beautiful setting (I was in Africa), a ridiculous thought popped into my mind, "what if he's right... what if I am like that... what if that is how I come across to others?"

Don't you hate it when the voice of reason and logic tries to impose itself on your moment of emotion and self-pity? "I'm happy in my misery, why did you have to show up?" If I was standing, I would have stamped my feet like a four year-old.

Deep down I knew Mr Nasty Pants was completely right about everything he said, but my ego, insecurity and pride wouldn't let me admit that straight away. I didn't want it to be true. It hurt too much. How could someone who loves me, say stuff like that to me? The irony being that it was because he loved me, that he shared those thoughts. Tough love indeed. I needed it. I didn't want it, but yep, I needed it. I was deluded about certain things.

I sat under my tree for hours, thought and meditated deeply and then made the journey back with a different attitude. I apologised to Mr Nasty Pants and we spoke for an hour or so. For the first time in my life, I truly understood and appreciated the importance and value of listening to, and acting upon, constructive feedback and guidance from someone who's in a position to offer it (no matter how uncomfortable it may be). Until that point in time, I had considered myself to be quite evolved and open-minded. I was kidding myself. I heard what I wanted to hear. That day I learned about hearing what I needed to hear.

I have since discovered that one of the biggest barriers to real personal growth (change from the inside out) for all of us, is our inability to accept genuine, constructive feedback (as opposed to mindless abuse), and then to do something positive with it. I often work with people who are inches away from greatness, but their stubbornness, pride and fear keep them in a holding pattern for years. Under-achieving and frustrated. I've also worked with many people with far less talent and ability who have achieved much more, in much less time, because of their willingness to listen and learn, no matter how uncomfortable the process was. Because we are largely emotional, reactive beings, this process (accepting constructive, informed feedback and using it in a positive way) will always be one of our biggest challenges.

Because I know him well (Mr Nasty Pants), trust him completely and totally respect him, I asked him probably the three most important questions I've ever asked anyone in my life. You might want to find a trusted friend (mentor, coach) and ask these tough questions yourself.

(1) What do I need to do specifically to address these issues? (The ones he brought to my attention) Once I got over myself and actually listened to what he had to say, it made complete sense. Yes, it was uncomfortable, but it was the truth. And no matter what, I wanted the truth. It's hard to de-emotionalise things when we're talking about us, but on some level, we need to.

(2) How am I perceived by most people? The truth is, more often than not we don't know how we are perceived by others. We think we do, but we don't. We've all met the guy who thinks he's hilarious, while everyone else thinks he's annoying. And the shy woman who's perceived as a snob by her colleagues. Now, I'm not suggesting for one moment that we should obsess about what people think of us (that's called insecurity), or try and be something we're not (that's just stupid), but what I am suggesting is that we have a greater awareness of how people typically see us. This requires us to move to a new level of consciousness and involves hard work, some humility and some honesty. This way we will communicate more effectively, resolve conflict quicker, have healthier and more productive relationships, be better at our job and consistently create much better outcomes in all areas of our life. And possibly, be less of a pain in the ass.

(3) How do I need to change/what do I need to do differently to be more effective in all areas of my life? The objective of this exercise is not to beat ourselves up but to learn, grow and become a better version of 'us'. It's about consciously, logically and strategically developing and changing for the better. Maximising our potential, our skills, our opportunities and our time. Simple.

I know that for most people, this is not a fun process or an attractive concept. In the world of 'Personal Growth', it's probably the toughest thing to 'sell'. After all, we're addicted to the 'feel good' stuff; we hate that uncomfortable, confrontational stuff. I also know that most of you will avoid it, but for the few of you who do take up the challenge, it may very well be the most liberating, valuable and rewarding learning experience you ever have. It was for me. Thanks for the lesson Mr. Nasty Pants.

Craig Harper (B.Ex.Sci.) is the #1 ranked Motivational Speaker (according to Google). He is a qualified exercise scientist, author, columnist, radio presenter, television host and owner of one of the largest personal training centres in the world. Motivational Speaker - Craig Harper - http://www.craigharper.com.au Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Craig_Harper

5 Powerful Reasons Why Single Women Cannot Find Their Mr Right

You are looking for the perfect man

Do you have a tall list of qualifications men must meet before you give a few minutes of your time? Do you find yourself not even willing to settle for anything less than a perfect guy. That is "Perfect" according to your own definition or perfection. Do you have a list of qualifications your men must meet that looks something like the following:

• He must be tall, dark and handsome.

• He must have an athletic build.

• He must own his own home.

• He must have a fabulous job or own a profitable business.

• He must have a fat bank account.

• He must have a luxurious automobile. The more expensive the better.

• He must be romantic, affectionate and generous.

• He must live in the right part of town.

• He must have the right pedigree. He must come from the right family.

• He must have the right level of education.

• He must wear the right kind of clothes.

• He must speak a certain way.

• He must have certain kinds of friends.

• He must come from a certain ethnicity and belong to particular religious group.

• He must have a certain hair color or eye color.

And the list goes on and on and on. If this remotely sounds like you, then you must first take a look at yourself in the mirror and tell the world how many of these criteria you meet. If you are objective, your answer will be just a few, if you are close to perfect.

You may be overlooking the dusty knight under your nose

The truth is, you may already have already found your knight in shinning armor. He could be the gentleman that is always asking you out that you have not wasting your time calling. How many of these knights have come into your life since you have been dating? If you are serious about meeting a nice guy, then you have to start being realistic and give mere mortals a break and some time to see if you are a fit.

You judge men by what they do and not who they are

There is nothing wrong in setting certain basic standards for the kind of man you want to be romantically involved with. It becomes problematic when your expectations are so high that it almost takes a perfect man to satisfy your standards. And you and I know that there are no perfect human beings anywhere, including your precious self. Be realistic. A man may not have the ideal profession, or live in the best part of town and drive the biggest SUV, but he may be very romantic and have a heart of gold. The qualities he possesses cannot be bought in the open market, and they are often what will make you happy at the end of the day.

You look for good men at meat markets

I am not saying that it is impossible to find good men at night clubs and bars. The truth is that men go to night clubs and bars to find women they can pick up quickly and take to bed. Leave the meat markets alone and trying hanging out at bookstore cafes, go to seminars, attend cultural events. Go to those places where you will find people who have the same interests you have because it is much easier to relate to those kinds of people than those who have interests that are different from yours.

You are shy about trying online dating

Online dating is the only medium now that really lets you tell the world a little bit about yourself, as well as the kind of mate or date you are looking for. It can really help you narrow your search very fast, because it puts the controls in hands. You can screen the people that have contacted you and choose who you want to send a reply to. And for those that are very selective, online dating is the solution to your search for someone that is compatible with you. In fact, online dating services now have gone a step further - they can even find your perfect match for you if you want them to. Give it a try and expand your horizon. You will have a variety of men to choose from that could possibly be your Mr. Right.

When you finally meet someone nice, give him a chance. He just might be your Mr. Right. If, on the other hand, the one you are with now is a decent guy who has given you his heart and has demonstrated love, relax a little and let your guard down. You may just discover that you have had Mr. Right all along.

To find out the quickest way to make your man fall madly in love with you, visit http://smartwomansguide.com You will get proven tips, tricks and techniques you can use to make your love sizzle and make your man fall head over heels in love with you

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Steve_Ubah

Is Sex Good?

Is Sex Good?

Yes sex is really good. Read top 5 Reasons Why You Need Sex below

Your risk of having a heart disease will be reduced: Having sex three to four times a week will reduce your risk of having a heart attack. People who have sex have a less chance of having a heart disease. So enjoy having Sex!


Helps to keep you fit: Do you know that sex is a very nice form of exercise? During the act of sexual intercourse, the muscles of you thighs, pelvis, arms, etc contracts rigorously and helps to keep your body fit. I don’t think there is any other exercise that is much better than sex.


Makes one Happy: After experiencing sex, you feel happy with your partner. I wonder who will feel sad after having a cool sex.

Pain Reliever. Having sex increases the levels of a hormone called oxytocin. Oxytocin releases endorphin which helps to relive one from pain.

Enhances Blood Circulation: When we get sexually arouse, our heart rate increases, resulting to more blood being pumped readily to different parts of the body.

Sex: Is Lack Of Sex The Main Reason For Divorce?

Author: Lily Wood

Sex is very important in any marriage, in any country at any time. There is no denial that marriage without sex is meaningless. Does sexless marriage always hint a divorce?

People are working longer hours and harder than ever before. This does not limit to men only, more and more women have full time employment, even after marriages. When both husband and wife work long hours, the work stress and work schedule make it hard to have meaningful and loving sex. Often than not, work schedule for both husband and wife are not parallel, both do not have the same deadline or the same workload. When there is lack of contact or lack of spending time alone, sexual frustration tends to build up. When sexual needs are not met, either one will feel frustrated.

Another common scenario is when the husband works and the wife stays at home. The wife gets frustrated with husband who stays out late after office hour and suspicion sets in. being at home all the time is boring and frustrating. The wife might long to socialize like she used to, before the marriage. Feeling lonely and victimized, the wife punishes the husband by not having sex with him, even when he requested. Lack of understanding from both sides and no action taken will worsen the case.

Another reason is boredom; with so much going on at work and with the kids, there is no way sex will be fun if accomplished in such short, scheduled time span. After a few routines, it became a task, similar with house chores. And laziness soon set in. Both no longer make efforts.

Sexless marriage doesn't always end in a divorce. It could be just a phase. Things can be improved. Try talking things through with your spouse. Try sleeping in on Sundays, have fun in bed cuddling. Remind each other how much you love each other. Take a holiday, go for a trip. Many couples renew their love and feelings for each other after a trip away. There are hundreds of ways to improve your marriages and it only take a few minutes in a day if you really take the effort. The point is not the method, it's the thought that counts.

In United States, one of two marriages is failing. Read more from Seperation and Divorce Self Help
n United States, one of two marriages is failing. Read more from Seperation and Divorce Self Help

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Lily_Woods

Should we talk about sex?

I really wonder why most people feel shy to talk about sex. There is no big deal in talking about sex. Sex is part and parcel of life.

Children should be taught about sex from the family level. It is very important that kids are aware of sex, to avoid unnecessary experiment with sex.

Why should a family avoid discussing issues regarding sex education?

Will this make them not to fall a victim of sex abuse?

Love Vs Sex

What is the relationship between love and sex.

Is sex love?

Is love sex?